Jaime Richards: A work ethic

DEAR AMY CHOU (aka "Tiger Mom"),

I didn't expect to like you. I figured you were part of theproblem.

I teach at one of those rare high schools where everyonegraduates and 99 percent of them go to college. Immediately.

And if they don't go to the "right" college -- a prestigious,selective college -- there's a negative vibe.

As in, "Where you going next year?"

Big sigh. "(UC) Santa Cruz. After two years, I'm transferring."

"Oh, that's cool."

But it's really not. The reason it's not, at leaststereotypically, is because of all the Tiger Moms who relentlesslypush their kids to achieve, achieve, achieve.

As a teacher, the lurking Tigers make my job easier.

As a person, they tick me off.

Because I know that if my students don't get into Berkeley,they're not doomed. That there's life after B's. Even C's.

Still, something has bugged me for years.

As much as I profess to loathe some of stereotypical Tigerparenting methods -- the borderline abusive shouting, name-calling,demands, punishments and restrictions -- I almost always love theirkids. I love their kids' manners, kindness, respectfulness anddeference. And I admire the heck out of their work ethic.

A work ethic junkie, I'm obsessed with learning how to instillit.

Amy, you did it. Your daughters, Sophia and Lulu, are amazing.

When wimpy, insecure parents rip you, point to them. They've hadgreat childhoods (They've said so), while they've worked their buttsoff. The result? They're positioned to have great adulthoods.

Too many kids I know have had great childhoods, but because theynever developed a work ethic, they're either having or about to havenot as great adulthoods.

That's why I read "Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mother," and that'swhen, to my surprise, I realized that you're cool, funny, likableand admirable.

As you've admitted many times, you've made your share ofparenting mistakes. But what parent hasn't?

What I learned from reading your memoir is that if you want toraise incredible kids, you should:

1. Not only want them to succeed, but be willing to push them,especially when it's easier (on the parents) to let them quit.

2. Inculcate them with the concept that it's a lot moregratifying -- and, yes, fun -- to be good at stuff. And the only wayto get good is to work hard for a long time.

3. Expose them to lots of experiences. Like you did with travel.

4. Limit (not eliminate) relatively meaningless, useless,unproductive, time thief activities -- compulsive Facebook, Internetsurfing, TV, hanging out and partying with underachievers (i.e. lazypeople).

5. Have big dreams for them. They don't need to be specificdreams. But they do need to be big dreams. When you dream big, theydream big.

6. Walk the walk. Be a model. We can't all be Yale law professorslike you. But we can all work hard on our own big dreams.

7. Love them so much that you're willing to do anything for them,including taking unpopular stances and making personal sacrifices.

8. Search for a balance. But, if you error, error on the side ofstrictness.

Next week: What do some of my most incredible students (andpeople) think about the Tiger Mother theory?

Contact Jaime Richards at writetorichards@gmail.com or go to hiswebsite at www.what-it-takes.com.